Chocolate Chip Stout Cookies Plus How Blow Jobs And Shoe Shopping Are Alike

Look around this time of year, past the flowers, chocolate, $65 pre fixe menus and you’ll smell the stench of panic. Forced romance will never live up to the expectations that Hallmark has bestowed upon us and all that is left is waiting of inevitable disappointment. Each partner either trying desperately to figure out what the other one wants, or giving up and trying just to get through it all unscathed. Attempting to discern what the other person wants, what seems to be an illusive mystery of epic proportions, is in actuality, very simple.

The truth is, we aren’t as different as we think.

Men and women want the same thing out of a relationships, we just get it in different ways. The same complaint that women have is the same one that most men would have if men actually complained as much as women do.

“But I want you to WANT to do it. Not because I asked!”

Of course, women say that a lot, and these same women don’t stop to think about what it is that the men in their lives are thinking that EXACT SAME SENTENCE  about. Women want their man to WANT to do the dishes, WANT to go shopping for shoes, but what does he want her to WANT to do?

Blow job.

Men don’t just want one, they want a woman to WANT to do it. Just like she wants him to adore her so much he will spend all afternoon drinking Jamba Juice and debating the difference between sling backs and peep toes. He wants her to be SO turned on by the thought of him, all she can think of is the quickest way to take his pants off.

It’s really not that different, and it comes down to one emotion, the exact same one in fact: to feel important. Women experience that by feeling cared about and men experience that by feeling needed. And of course, sex has a lot to do with that for men. Not just the experience itself, but the feeling that he is the one, and the only one that is able to get her to that place. He wants to feel that she needs him, and only him to get her there. It’s really not that much different from a women’s need for her man to make her a cocktail, rub her feet and ask her how her day went. It’s feeling important.

As a society, we have a tendency to brush aside the need a relationship has for sex, as if it is of less importance than other aspects of the connection we’ve made. But for some people, it’s not just about the desire to get off, it’s about the feeling of being wanted, needed, not just someone, but by the person they love. I read a study in Grad school about sex, and the stereotypes that society holds. One question in the study asked 150 men this:

What would you rather have:

1. Sex with your partner 6 times a week, but your partner rarely has an orgasm

2. Sex 3 times per week, but your partner has an orgasm every time

Most people were shocked to find that more than 75% of then men said answer 2. This comes back to the desire to feel important and the effect it would have to be with a women who’s needs he had a hard time meeting. Men don’t just want to have sex, they want to feel like what they have to offer is important.

The need to feel important is, in this very simplistic analysis, the key to a successful relationship. Figure out what the person you love needs in order to feel important, and give that to them. With a smile.

If you’ve come to the end of this post and still think it’s about sex, you’ve missed the point. This isn’t about blow jobs or shoe shopping, it’s about valuing your partner. Figuring out what that persons needs are and realizing that they’re probably much different from yours. Open yourself up to the possibility that what the person you love needs to feel important maybe something you haven’t even though of. Figure out what it is and give it them, gladly and gratefully.

How, you might be thinking, am I possibly going to relate this to cookies??  This is a cookie recipe that has quite a few needs. There are steps that need to be taken in order for these cookies to reach their full potential. Even if the steps that I ask of you don’t make sense, I assure you that everything that I ask you to do has a well thought out purpose and you will be reward handsomely in the end with chewy, rich, fudgey cookies with a slight back notes of Rasputin Stout.

I try not to play favorites when it comes to beer, counting myself among the Beer Gypsies, always ordering something new, wanting to discover uncharted territory. That would be easy for me, if it wasn’t for North Coast Brewing. Not only have they given the world the brilliance of the PranQster Belgian Ale, but on the other end of the liquid scale is one of the most epic Craft Beer Stouts to ever come out of North America, Old Rasputin. Of course, I can’t just drink beer that I love, I must bake with it.

Chocolate Chip Stout Cookies

 2 cups dark stout beer (I strongly recommend Old Rasputin)

1/3 cup unsweetened cocoa powder

1 cup cake flour

3/4 cup bread flour

1/2 tsp corn starch

1 tsp baking powder

1/2 tsp baking soda

1 tsp salt

12 tbs (1 1/2 sticks) unsalted butter

2/3 cup brown sugar

2/3 cup white sugar

1 egg

1 tsp vanilla extract

1 1/2 cups dark chocolate chips

(makes about 16)

  1. In a pot over medium high heat, cook the beer until reduced to 1/4 cup, about 10-15 minutes. Place in the refrigerator in order to chill to room temperature, about 15 minutes.
  2. In a large bowl, combine cocoa powder, both types of flour, corn starch, baking soda, baking powder, and salt. All types of flour have different properties and will produce difference results, the combination of these two different types gives you cookies that are both soft and chewy. You won’t get these results if you just use one type or if you use all-purpose flour.
  3. In the bowl of a stand mixer, fitted with a paddle attachment, cream the butter with both types of sugar, scraping the bottom of the bowl periodically to ensure the ingredients are well combined. Add the egg and vanilla,  beat until light and fluffy, scraping the bowl at least once. Add the reduced and cooled beer, beating until it is combined.
  4. Reduce speed on the stand mixer to low and add the dry ingredients until just barely combined, making sure to scrape the bottom of the bowl to ensure that the butter and flour are all combined.  Add the chocolate chips and stir until incorporated. You don’t want to over mix or your cookies will be tough.
  5. Line a cookie sheet with parchment paper and using a cookie scoop, or an ice cream scoop, make balls of dough that are a bit larger than a golf ball. Place on a baking sheet, with ample space between each cookie. Only about 6 cookies will fit on each sheet.
  6. Place the cookies in the refrigerator to chill for at least 4 hours, and up to 12. This is important, don’t skip this step or the cookies will spread and become dry and crispy. The butter needs to reconstitute as a solid in order for the cookies to bake properly.
  7. Preheat oven to 350. Bake each cookie sheet one at a time for 21-23 minutes or until the cookies are just starting to look dry on top. Don’t over bake, the cookies will continue to bake about an additional 10 percent after being removed from the oven. Immediately transfer to a wire rack or a row of paper towels.
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13 responses to “Chocolate Chip Stout Cookies Plus How Blow Jobs And Shoe Shopping Are Alike

      • Ha ha! Maybe you could use that line to write a book on how to get/keep a husband for all those lonely girls out there! It would be the shortest relationship book ever and possibly the most effective! I sense a best seller here (you’re welcome!) lol

      • It least it would be one that the husbands would buy! Pretty sure I’d get hate mail from women everywhere. But blow jobs and cookies are a pretty good place to start when trying to make a relationship work.

  1. Wow. These cookies look amazing! I’ll try it your way first but I’m also curious about using my favorite porter, Mammoth Brewing’s Double Nut Brown.

  2. Aw yeah, Rasputin is my favorite. I have a bottle of the barrel aged Old Rasputin XI, and I swear I need to bury it or something to keep me from prematurely popping the bottle.

  3. YUM! Just tried this recipe over the weekend, I can’t wait to share them with my fellow beer lovers (to avoid eating all 18 myself). Keep the recipes coming! 🙂

  4. Oh sweet Jesus, these cookies are ahhh-mazing. I used Ninkasi’s Oatmeal Stout, and dark chocolate melties.

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